im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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