last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
