I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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