Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
