There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wow bdsm is so cute
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