he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
