hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
