I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
