so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
