handjob tips. give me some.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How naked do you want me to be?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
