My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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