i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
