Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
