it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
