She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
