I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
