I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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