Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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