I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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