This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
