You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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