***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
