How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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