I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
