is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
