capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
