i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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