I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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