His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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