Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
