hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
