Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
