like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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