oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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