what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
