In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
