Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
