I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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