I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I cannot find my penis.
Buhtt sex?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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