all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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