operation harelip BJ is a go
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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