The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
