If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
