i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
