It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
