You don't have asthma, your pregnant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
