I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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