She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
