i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
