My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
