Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
