its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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