if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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