i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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