im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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