I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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