The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize