I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
