TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
