4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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