In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
