She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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