Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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