i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
