Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
