BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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