just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
