Moan for me like Helen Keller
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Come see our sink grown plant.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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