I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
