sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
