I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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