3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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