You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
