On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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