had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
