I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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