oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
